Liars and Stonewallers: Listener Questions

If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that on the surface we talk about communication, but underneath that, we’re really talking about relationships. Caring about another person is why we are thoughtful about how we speak with one another. Today we’re going to hear from two listeners that have very different situations but share some common themes.

I’m also pleased to welcome Rebecca West of Seriously Happy Homes to offer her insights on one of the listener questions.

Our questions this episode: how do you have a difficult conversation with someone who is lying? And how do you talk to someone who just pulls away?

Resources for Additional Learning

1) Committed, consequential2) Committed, non-consequential
3) Temporary, Consequential4) Temporary, Non-consequential
One way to think about whether to confront a liar; if you’re dealing with quadrants 1 or 3, it’s smart to directly address it. If you’re in 2 or 4, weigh the pros and cons.

Conflict Style Conversation Questions
Use these as a conversation catalyst with a partner, colleague, or family member to learn more about how each of you experiences conflict.

  • When you hear the word “conflict,” what does that mean to you?
  • What was your experience with conflict or disagreements growing up?
  • What topics or situations activate you? (for instance, money, food, possessions, work, parents, etc)
  • How do you typically respond when you’re part of a conflict?
  • What’s important for me to remember when we get in a fight?
  • What do you need most from me when you’re upset?

Meet Rebecca West, Seriously Happy Homes (our guest in Episode 69 – yay!)

Gottman Institute (more info on relationships and stonewalling)