Ep013: Kwame Christian, Compassionate Curiosity

There are times when we feel stuck in our communications, that no matter what we say or how we plead our case, we make zero headway with the other person. We’re so fixated on what we need and want, we forget to consider the other person and their needs and wants. What are some ways we can turn that around and create a situation where everyone gets what they need?

This is going to be time well-spent, because my guest, Kwame Christian, offers us some awesome insights on how to connect on a meaningful level with someone – even a 2-year old! – and have a persuasive conversation.

Be sure to stick around after the conversation for a few action steps you can take to have more productive interactions with people in your life.

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Kwame Christian Compassionate Curiosity Negotiate AnythingKwame Christian is Director of the American Negotiation Institute, where he puts on workshops designed to make difficult conversations easier. As an attorney and mediator with a bachelors of arts in Psychology, a Master of Public Policy, and a law degree, Kwame brings a unique multidisciplinary approach to the topic of conflict management and negotiation.

He’s the author of Nobody Will Play With Me, and his  TEDx Talk, Finding Confidence in Conflict, was the most popular TED Talk on the topic of conflict of 2017. He also hosts the  top negotiation podcast in the world, Negotiate Anything.

Mentioned in this Episode

Kwame on The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast:  theintrovertentrepreneur.com/2017/04/12/ep149-kwame-christian-negotiating-success/ and theintrovertentrepreneur.com/2016/10/13/ep132-kwame-christian-negotiation-skills-entrepreneurs/ 
Beth on the Negotiate Anything Podcast: americannegotiationinstitute.com/persuading-while-introverted-with-beth-buelow/ and a new episode coming soon!

Ep012: Your Questions: How to Stop Rambling

Sorry I Slapped You cartoon rambling

When I get nervous, I can talk… and talk and talk and talk. It’s really embarrassing sometimes, and I don’t know how to stop myself once I get going. I’m sure the other person is bored to tears or wishing I’d just shut up already. But I can’t help it. Or can I? Is it possible to gracefully stop our rambling and get the conversation back on track?

In this episode, I respond to a listener question about what to do when you find yourself talking too much, as well as start an exploration of what really gets in our way when we’re having difficulty being in conversation with someone we disagree with.

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Resources Mention in this Episode

Hidden Brain Podcast
Hidden Brain episode with Alan Alda
If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on my Face? | Alan Alda
Kwame Christian, American Negotiation Institute (Ep013 guest)

Ep11: Derek Pratt, Tips for Neighbor Conflicts

It doesn’t matter if they’re down the hall or across the street: being in community with other people can be hard work. We’ve probably all experienced a noisy neighbor or inconsiderate coworker who doesn’t seem to be aware of how their actions affect others. How do we address those problems with the people we live and work with in a way that doesn’t make things worse?

Derek Pratt, founder of 4ward With Progress Inc., shares tips on effectively and tactfully resolving disputes when your neighbor is being less than neighborly.

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Derek Pratt Neighbor Conflict 4ward with purposeDerek Pratt dropped out of high school and has lived on his own since the age of 16. But after earning his GED at 19, he enrolled at Cuyahoga  Community College in his mid-20s and earned an associate degree in IT. He later earned a bachelor’s degree in IT from David N. Myers University and a master’s degree from Strayer University.

After 12 years in IT and human resources, Pratt decided to pursue the battle against homelessness full time. He left his job and began working as an advocate for people living in apartment communities—mainly subsidized housing—and as a mediator focused on landlord-tenant issues. In January, 2018, he launched 4Ward With Purpose Inc., an organization that provides services that help overcome barriers to housing stability.

Mentioned in this Episode

4ward With Purpose Inc.
Find a Mediation Center in your area (other great resources on this site, too! Another way to search for centers is to Google “alternative dispute resolution”)

Ep010: Your Questions: Negative People, Protecting Colleagues

Key to Happiness Negative PeopleThere are times in most relationships when we’re faced with one of two situations: we feel a need to protect ourselves, or we feel a need to protect someone else. Every once in a while, especially when it comes to giving feedback, those two things can happen at the same time! How can we act in a way that establishes boundaries while still being kind?

 In this episode, we take a look at two listener questions: dealing with negative people and sharing difficult feedback with a colleague who’s having personal issues.

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Additional Resources*

How We Talk Can Change the Way We Work | Kegan & Lahey
Working with Difficult People | Hakim & Solomon
Dealing with People You Can’t Stand | Brinkman & Kirschner
Harvard Business Review OnPoint, Fall 2018: The Right Way to Fight at Work


* Amazon links are affiliate links, meaning I earn a few pennies if you purchase after clicking through. The author still receives their full royalty, and I get a little bit to support bringing you awesome content. Win/Win! 

Ep009: Your Questions: Creating Closure from a Distance

heaviness closure relationshipIn an ideal world, relationships that end would do so clearly and with no loose ends. Each person would walk away feeling like they’d tied a nice neat bow on the matter. But we don’t live in an ideal world, and endings can be messy and feel incomplete. What do we do when we are left with lots of loose ends and no one to help us tie them up?

In this episode, we’re going to do a deep dive into a listener question about how to find relationship closure alone when it’s not possible to do it together.

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Bonus Resource

Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye: The Art of Letting Go | TheIntrovertEntrepreneur.com

Ep008: Veronica Cravener, Determining Your Interests and Wants

We’ve all found ourselves in arguments where we reach a stalemate. Neither person seems willing to budge on what they need, and frustration builds instead of goes away. After all, what I want is what I want! Isn’t that what I’m arguing for? Well, it turns out there’s more at stake than what we think. And one way to get past the frustration is to find out what that is. What are some ways we can get at what really matters in a disagreement? In this episode, I’m joined by mediator Veronica Cravener, who provides insights about what gets in our way in difficult conversations and how we can best share our needs, wants and interests with others.

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Veronica Cravener Interests Needs Wants MediationVeronica Cravener started her career as an attorney and is now a professional mediator. In her role as the Small Claims and Mediation Supervisor at the Franklin County Municipal Court in Columbus, OH, she helps parties resolve conflict in a way that works for them, outside of a courtroom. She mediates civil issues, primarily landlord/tenant, consumer/business, and disputes over money owed. Veronica is also the Chair of the Alternative Dispute Resolution committee for the Columbus Bar Association.

Veronica’s Podcast, “Meetups with Mediators”
Connect with Veronica on LinkedIn

Mentioned in this Episode

Sign up for the “How Can I Say This…” Weekly Newsletter (and get your free “How to Give and Receive Feedback” Guide!)
Getting to Yes | Fisher and Ury
Beyond Reason | Fisher and Shapiro
How Can I Say This… Ep007

Ep007: Grace Judson, Empathy in Conversations

There’s a time and place for everything, and that includes emotion and intimacy. Most of the time it’s clear when we can show emotion and wear our heart on our sleeve. But sometimes, especially in professional environments, it can be more challenging to know how to respond when a clear need for empathy presents itself. We want to connect as human beings while still respecting boundaries. What’s a healthy way to walk that line with people we care about? Leadership Coach Grace Judson joins to me to discuss this and follow-up on a listener question from Episode 2.

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Grace Judson Empathy How Can I Say ThisGrace Judson is a leadership coach and consultant focusing on first-line and recently-promoted managers and supervisors, helping them cross that daunting gap between being part of a team, and leading a team.

Drawing on her 25 years of corporate experience – including 16 years of executive leadership – plus 13 years of leadership coaching, Grace works with individuals, teams, and leaders to develop their skills, helping them become the empowered leaders they want to be – and their teams deserve.

She points out that she’s not as old as all those years of experience might indicate. After all, she started her career as a two-year-old, turning her parents’ faces toward each other when they argued, wanting them to see each other instead of fighting. That was the beginning of her lifelong quest to understand what makes people tick – and what makes a good, or even great, leader.

Learn more and connect with Grace on LinkedIn.

Mentioned in this Episode

Sign up for the “How Can I Say This…” Weekly Newsletter
Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss
How Can I Say This… Ep002

Ep006: Your Questions: Friendship Challenges, Generational Differences

Listener Questions How Can I Say This Friendship IntergenerationalHow can we offer our perspective in a thoughtful way that doesn’t put someone on the defensive? In episode 6 of “How Can I Say This…”, we’ll be looking at some listener questions about telling it like it is to someone you care about, intergenerational conversations, and lopsided friendships.

Mentioned in this Episode

“Generation” entry on Wikipedia
CNN “Fast Facts” Post on Generations
Hidden Brain Podcast
Kern Beare on How Can I Say This…
Ep3 of How Can I Say This… 

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Ep005: Arden Clise, Tricky Feedback, Establishing Boundaries

I welcome etiquette consultant Arden Clise to the show, and together we respond to listener questions on giving and receiving sensitive feedback, as well as how to establish boundaries when you value your privacy.

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Arden Clise Feedback Etiquette
Arden Clise, Clise Etiquette

Arden Clise is founder and president of Clise Etiquette. Her love for business etiquette began in previous jobs when she was frequently asked for etiquette, public speaking and business attire advice by executives and board members. The passion for etiquette took hold and compelled Arden to start a consulting business to help others. Today, as a professional trainer, coach, speaker and author, Arden has helped thousands of professionals, from executives to front-line staff, confidently and comfortably navigate business situations for career success. She is the author of  Spinach In Your Boss’s Teeth: Essential Etiquette for Professional Success. 

Ep004: Cinnie Noble, Navigating Conflict and Passive-Aggressiveness

Conflict coach Cinnie Noble joins me in conversation about what constitutes healthy and unhealthy conflict. We also offer some perspectives to a listener that’s dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.

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Cinnie Noble Conflict Coach
Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a former lawyer who currently works as a mediator and coach based in Toronto, Canada. She developed the CINERGY® model of conflict management coaching in 1999, and is author of two coaching books: “Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY® Model” and “Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You.” Cinnie and her team coach and train coaches, mediators and others worldwide using her unique and well-researched model. She is passionate about helping people find their way through conflict and teaching others to do so.

Mentioned In This Episode

John Gottman and the Four Horsemen